Matthew 7:24-27

²⁴“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵“And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. ²⁶“Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. ²⁷“The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell–and great was its fall.”

Everyone says that when you come to college, you not only learn new things and meet knew people, but your beliefs are challenged and formulated. On a few occasions last year, I felt some of my beliefs were being challenged. But, the greatest struggle of my first year of college was being in a foreign environment and adapting to all that was around me, realizing the people I wanted to surround myself with and the people I didn’t. Life has changed drastically from last year and establishing more of those friendships has begun to flourish. Not until recently though did I begin to truly have my beliefs challenged, nay demolished… obliterated.

Through my philosophy class and some conversations with professors on varying perspectives of theology, I have begun to lose where I stand on my ideology on myself and most importantly God. My philosophical idea on my own psychology has me content with pondering ideas and not coming to some sort of consensus but rather thinking about myself for the sake of learning. This has opened me up to the different theological perspectives and seeing where they stand, but not absolutely see the harmony between ideas or even figure what I believe myself. “This idea makes sense. That idea makes sense. Which one fits the best in my web of beliefs? (If I even have a belief that is founded on logical methods)”

Throughout the Christian environment, there are universal beliefs on the character of God, but give it a little bit more thought and where do these terms come from and how do they come from? They don’t really seem to be mentioned in the Bible, given the Bible has absolute credibility; and if they are stated, they seem to be blown out of proportion. To some extent, it seems these beliefs are held onto out of pure ignorance and possibly insecurity.

Recently, the most difficult task has been not using my faith in God as a “crutch.” To think of this idea of a God that loves us all regardless and His Son died on a cross so that we can live “free” all sounds a little obscure. Yes, I know it’s supposed to, but lately, the church spends much focus on the love of God, the love, the love, the love. “Don’t worry, God loves you.” Could it be that given someone eases up on the stress of life, they are more relaxed, perform better, optimism rises, and they are able to see some good in life suddenly?

Gnostic ideas lead me to Christ being the expert on humanity and knew the best way in which humans could function, in community with one another supported by good deeds; but that idea dies after taking a glance at the miracles and then the resurrection. But even, the resurrection is about the only thread holding me to what I believed before, and if that never happened, we’re left with nothing. So I’ve been battling feelings of agnosticism, and pondering the existence and character of God.

To those around me, I’ve described myself as this vessel of ideas, but I don’t know what is true and I don’t have any sort of foundation. But the key aspect of Christianity is belief and faith. Although I may not think some things are true, although I may doubt some of which I’ve been told, Christianity requires having faith. Don’t toss out what you’ve been told because you’ve become skeptical on its rationality. One of my professors was telling me that the thing about us youth is that we become so passionate about a new belief we have, and we jump from passion to passion. Slow down and give it more thought. So in light of my skepticism, I’m holding a remote foundation and discovering my beliefs on God.